‘Regular sex’ is sometimes called ‘vanilla’ by people who are into more specialised, sometimes extreme, activities.

If you ask a gay or bisexual man what he’s into, you might get a reply like “anything except scat and blood”. That leaves an awful lot on the erotic menu, including many non-vanilla activities.

But what this usually means is that they’re willing to experiment and explore their fantasies and fetishes.

Bondage and Tit Work

Physical safety with bondage (including handcuffs) requires common sense, planning and a clear head. Handcuffs should be good quality and have a spare key. At no time should handcuffs or rope restrict circulation or potentially damage nerve endings.

Heavy Duty sex often involves men having their nipples worked vigorously, sometimes with a variety of nipple clamps. Prolonged or repeated heavy tit work can result in the nipples becoming more pronounced – this usually means scar tissue is developing beneath the skin’s surface. This can be minimised by using creams such as Hirudoid, available over the counter at pharmacies.

Water Sports

There is no risk for HIV infection here, but if you drink piss you could be exposed to other infections, the most serious being (again) Hepatitis A. Consider vaccination if you’re really into it.

Fisting

Inserting a hand or forearm into another man’s ass (or your own). This sexual act requires skill and patience. It’s really an extension of what men already do in anal play – hands up those who’ve managed to get three or even four fingers inside them? The fister wears a latex glove (or a condom over the hand) to prevent fingernails harming the delicate rectal lining of the fistee.

The traditional lube used for fisting is Crisco, an American cooking fat. It’s not just used because of tradition (Thanksgiving?) – it provides a protective layer as well as being a good heavy duty lube. Crisco is oil-based so it can’t be used with condoms (this is why using Vaseline or baby oil as an anal sex lube is a no-no), but the much thicker glove will remain intact.

Fisting requires the fistee to be very relaxed without being deadened to any sense of pain (pain means stop), while the fister needs to be cool and calm. Slings are usually used for fisting because the fistee is suspended and comfortable, with his ass exposed and easily accessible.

Fisting is sometimes referred to as ‘handballing’, a term invented to counter the connotations of ‘violence and sleaze’ that the term fisting allegedly evokes. There is no risk of HIV infection. However, there is a risk of Hepatitis C transmission; if a receptive man has Hepatitis C, then microscopic amounts of blood can be transferred onto the glove, which can then end up in the tub of lube. The virus can live quite happily there and anyone else using the lube is exposing themselves to the virus.