How to date gay and bi guys
Dating any gender can feel like trying to solve a puzzle when you’re missing a few of the pieces.
It can also be a fulfilling experience filled with fun, laughs, adventure, and sex.
There’s a big chance they didn’t cover same-sex dating in school, so we’ve made this guide to give you some tips from people who have been there.
How to know if you're ready
To be honest you can never be truly sure you’re ‘ready’ to date anyone. There’s always a chance you give it a go and it’s not the right time but there are some things you can think about to get you on the right path to working it out.
One of the first things you should think about is whether or not you’re ‘out’ and if you’re ready to be open about your relationship with another guy.
Some guys do date while they’re ‘down-low (DL)’ or ‘closeted’ but it can put a strain on your relationship and limit what you can do in public.
Similarly, think about whether you want to date someone who’s not quite as far along in their coming-out journey as you.
Have a think of the type of guys you see yourself dating, and who might be a good match. Sometimes the guys we enjoy having sex with aren’t the same type of guys we’d have healthy romantic relationships with.
There are different types of relationships out there, do you want something casual or more serious and committed? It’s good to know what would make you happy so you can find someone who’s looking for the same thing.
Dating differences between guys and girls
Are you worried that dating guys is different than dating girls and you won’t know to do?
All relationships should be built on the foundation of communication, a strong connection, and mutual respect. This won’t change if you’re dating a gay or bi guy, a girl, a non-binary person, or anybody else.
There’s a chance the social dynamic might be different than you’re used to when you first start dating other guys, but every relationship is different regardless of gender.
Planning dates and activities
You can also go on the same date activities with a gay or bi guy that you would with anyone else.
There’s no rule that you can’t go see a movie, grab a coffee, walk along your local park, or make out on the beach.
If you were keen on some particularly queer date activities, you could try going to a drag brunch or dinner, grabbing a drink at a local gay bar, or checking out a queer market/pop-up or queer exhibition.
What are open relationships?
You are likely going to hear or see gay and bi guys in open relationships, as it is more common in queer communities than in heterosexual relationships, but that doesn’t mean you have to. If you open any dating app, you’ll see people on Grindr saying they’re in one, you may even see people on Tinder saying they are ENM, which means ethically non-monogamous.
Monogamy is simple, it’s what most relationships we see in society are. When two people are dating and they do not have sex or date anyone else.
Non-monogamy (open relationships) is everything else. It’s a spectrum with varying degrees of openness. Some relationships may just have threesomes with one additional person, others may allow both people to have sex with other people separately, and some may even allow both people to date other people as well as each other.
Some relationships open up for healthy reasons, and some do it for unhealthy reasons, no relationship is the same. What’s important to note is that just because other people are doing it, doesn’t mean that you have to. We have lots of great guides on understanding non-monogamy here: