How to enjoy anal (butt) sex – figuring out what you like and don’t like
So, you know the basics on how to prepare for anal sex and how to have anal sex for the first time but you want to know how to enjoy anal sex and figure out what you like.
As a quick refresher, when having anal sex there are tops (insertive partners) and bottoms (receptive partners).
Some people only enjoy bottoming or only enjoy topping. Some people want both and may call themselves vers or versatile.
Vers top
Versatile top, who does both but prefers topping
Some people define themselves as a side, which means they don’t enjoy either and prefer other types of sex like oral or hand jobs [Oral Sex 101].
Vers bottom
Versatile bottom, who does both but prefers bottoming.
How do I figure out my position?
The first thing to remember is there is no rush to figure out exactly what you like - it might change a few times and you might not like anal sex at all.
While some people like to define themselves by one of the positions above, you don’t need to.
Don’t worry about stereotypes that you might have heard about what tops or bottoms are like. Your favourite position does not reflect your personality in or out of the bedroom.
The best person to start trying things out with is you.
Masturbation or self-pleasure is a great way to work out what you like in a safe and controlled environment.
Anal masturbation
Fingering yourself slowly, using lube, or even playing around the opening of the anus can give you a feel for whether this is something you’d enjoy.
Start slowly, breathe out while pushing your fingers, or a toy/dildo, into your ass. Use plenty of lube and take a break if it gets too sore.
Once you get comfortable putting one or two fingers in then you can find the prostate and enjoy some stimulation there.
The prostate is about a thumb’s length inside the anus, towards the belly button.
You can find it from outside the anus by searching the taint, the skin between the anus and the scrotum. Try feeling for the area that feels softer and fleshier than the rest, towards the back (away from the balls). If you feel the sensation of needing to pee, you’re in the right place.
If you’re looking for it from the inside, it’s the fleshy bulb of tissue on the front wall of the rectal lining – it will feel different from everything else in there.
Anal play isn’t for everyone, and it might be uncomfortable the first couple of times – that’s completely normal. Don’t forget that anal sex shouldn’t be painful.
I don’t enjoy anal sex at all – can I still have sex with guys?
You can absolutely have lots of hot sex with other guys even if anal play isn’t for you. There are so many ways to pleasure that don’t include anal. Some of the best orgasms don’t involve anal sex at all.
Positions to have sex in
There are an infinite number of positions that you can have anal sex in, some are great starters, and others are very advanced. Importantly, some positions will be more comfortable to start in to warm up the anus, and for people who are new to anal sex.
Each body is different, so some positions that others find comfortable might not be comfortable for you, and it’s important that you communicate this with your partner. If you’re uncomfortable, try a different position. If you try to push through discomfort, it’s most likely going to get worse because your body will not relax, and this is where damage can be done.
We’ve listed some great starting positions below but remember when starting any new position check that you have lots of lube on the penis and always enter the butt slowly.
Lying face down
Where the bottom lies on their stomach, and the top lies on top of them.
Standing
The same as lying face down, but both in the standing position. It might help if the bottom has something to lean or bend over.
Side-lying
Same as the lying position, but both lying on their side.
Doggy
Where the bottom is on their hands and knees, and the top is on their knees, or standing at the end of the bed, between their legs.
Missionary
Where the bottom lies on their back with their legs in the air, and the top sits on their shins with their butt on their heels.
Riding
Where the top lies on their back, and the bottom sits on the penis facing the top. This can be a really good position for the bottom to start in as in this position, the bottom is the one who can physically control the speed.
There are many more positions that you can try once you’ve tried all of these basics.