So I found this Thought Catalogue article by Ryan O’Connell called “What it feels like to get fucked in the ass” and in the first line of it he says “Getting your ass penetrated should be a prerequisite for life because it’s an experience that teaches humility and encourages teamwork.”

It’s so right! I mean, if you want to have great sex you need to acknowledge the fact that you’re letting someone put their penis in your ass and slide it in and out for a wee while. It can be a very humbling experience - and if you want to have a good time then you need to have some solid negotiation going on between you and your partner.

Anal sex is a significant event, and if someone is going to be penetrating me, they need to be trustworthy. For me, there is nothing worse than a top who tries to fuck me blindly at top speed, as deep as he can go, without paying any attention to the entire person attached to the butthole his dick is in.

You need to keep a few things in mind. First up, make sure you are getting the stimulation you like. If I’m the bottom then it’s my ass, my rules. I make sure I know what I can handle and what I can’t. Especially when you’re new to taking dick, having the whole thing repetitively shoved deep inside can hurt. A lot! It’s not adding to anyone’s physical pleasure when they do that, and they're either being really inconsiderate, or are just not very good at being a top. So feel free to kindly call them out on it and teach them what feels good for you.

The next thing to keep in mind is how your partner is doing. Negotiating sex isn’t like a police interrogation - I mean it could be an outright conversation (which I encourage you to try if you haven’t), but more often than not it will be implied over dirty Grindr messages, or one of you saying how much you want to sit on the other’s cock. Just make sure you pay attention to your partner as things progress and if you think they might be uncomfortable, ask!

The third thing to remember is that negotiating sex doesn’t happen before you start fucking and then stop, it continues right through sex until after you’ve finished. I need to know that I can back out of the deal at any time. If a top is being an inconsiderate, then I will tell them and I will leave if they don't listen to me. No top is worth rearranging your intestines for. In just the same way though, if things are going really well and we find a fantastic position that feels great, I need to make sure I let them know that it feels awesome and that if it works for them, I would like to stay there.

It takes balls and it takes practice to be good at negotiating sex. Be friendly, have fun, and be brave. It’s about teamwork, remember, and if your team mate can’t handle the jandal, then they're not worth sitting on.

To find out more about having the sex you deserve have a dig around the site and be sure to check out our R18 video guide to anal sex.