Okay, so you want to try hook-ups and meet new guys to have casual sex with?

There are tons of ways to meet guys for casual sex, finding regular friends with benefits, or relationships if that’s what you’re looking for.

This 101 will cover some of the places you can find guys to chat, meet, and connect with safely.

Glossary of terms 

Hook-up: Casual sex encounters.

Friends with benefits (FWB): Casual hook-up buddies or fuck buddies. No strings-attached, but you also hang out regularly.

NSA/Casual: No Strings Attached – indicating a desire for a casual encounter without any expectations of a relationship or friendship.

Cruising: The act of seeking out potential sexual partners, often in public places like parks, restrooms, or cruising clubs.

Online platforms:

A common way to meet guys is online. Different spaces are designed or used for different types of meet-ups or hook-ups.

1. General dating and casual sex apps: Apps like Tinder, Grindr, Scruff, or Hinge are location-based and usually for meeting people in your area.
   
   Some are more for dating (like Tinder or Hinge) while others centre more around casual sex (like Grindr or Scruff). The apps that are for more casual sex are sometimes referred to as hook-up apps. More on that in our 101 guide on using the apps [Hook-ups 101b]
   
   
2. More specific hook-up sites: Websites like Sniffies, Fetlife or Adult FriendFinder are another way people meet online. These sites might cater to a specific interest or kink. Some are not necessarily a gay crowd either.
   
   
3. Social Media: Another popular way for guys to meet each other is social media like Instagram, Snapchat, or X (formerly Twitter). It might not always be obvious who is gay or bi on these apps, but sometimes guys will include it in their bio. X is also a popular place for guys to have ‘alt’ accounts where they post nudes and look for local hook-ups.

Offline:

If you’re the type of guy who likes to meet others the old-fashioned way, then you can try meeting guys in person too.

Some possible places if you have access to them and feel safe attending:

1. Bars and Clubs: Gay bars and clubs are hot spots for meeting potential hook-ups. Different bars or clubs will attract different crowds, so it’s worth checking out pictures or shopping around to find your crowd. There aren’t many gay bars in Aotearoa, but some of the common ones are:
   
   Auckland: Family, G.A.Y, and Eagle
   
   Wellington: Ivy bar and S&M
   
   
2. Events: Rainbow events or pride festivals. These events usually cater to the wider spectrum of our communities and are not centred around sex. If you search for your city’s pride organisation, then they may run events throughout the year where you can meet people.
   
   
3. Queer parties: Gay parties, sometimes called ‘circuit parties’, are ticketed parties that tend to be primarily attended by gay and bi guys – or broader crowds. Partygoers are usually topless or close to nude. Sometimes they can feature ‘darkrooms’ where guys have sex while still at the venue.
   
   Here is a list of some common queer or adjacent parties in Aotearoa :
   
   BLACKOUT 
   
   Nympho World 
   
   All My Friends 
   
   Theta Project 
   
   FRISKY 
   
   Urge Events
   
   SIR 
   
   Queer Horizons 
   
   The Naked World
   
   
4. Saunas and Cruise Clubs: These are places where men go to fuck. They have one purpose: No strings sex. There’s usually an entry fee and different areas where you can ‘cruise’ and meet guys.

Cruising 

It requires a conversation - but this conversation doesn't have to be super clinical, you can be sexy with it. Asking for consent does not kill the mood; in fact, being asked what you want and asking what others want is hot. 

There are two common ways to cruise for guys, these are at private venues or in public spaces.

Saunas or Cruise Clubs:

If you’re curious about trying out saunas or cruise clubs here are some tips to get started.

• These are places where men go for NSA sex and hot fun.
  
  
• Men go solo or in groups and the hook-ups can be one-on-one or more people might join.
  
  
• There are different spaces within the venue, like saunas, spas, open showers, mazes, and cinemas, depending on the sauna or club you’re at.
  
  
• Saunas will have lube and condoms available, but you can always take your own.
  
  
• Consent always applies. You have a right to say no and you must respect others too.
  
  
• The men you meet might have been drinking or on drugs before they get there and not be as focused as usual about staying safe.
  
  
• You cruise or walk around until you find a guy or guys you want to hook up with and then go to a private room or anywhere else you like.
  
  
• The sauna is all about body language and eye contact to show interest.
  
  
• Again, you have every right to say no to anybody there, and if you have problems, you can ask the staff to help you.

Cruising in public

There are public spaces in almost every part of the country where men cruise for gay sex, some of these have visitors every night, and others may be very infrequent and mostly areas used for pre-organised hookups. These could be public parks, public toilets, or toilet cubicles in public buildings, like universities.

Squirt or Sniffies, are websites that you can search for cruising spots near you, it also has message boards for each site, where people post if they are heading down. Most accounts on here are anonymous, so you should never assume the person you’re talking to is who they say they are.

Where can I have sex safely?

So, you’ve met someone online or in person and you want to have sex with them – where can you do it? Depending on where you live or who you live with, you may not be able to “host” them at your house. So, you could “travel” to their house. But what if that’s off the cards too? It’s very common for men to have sex in public spaces, like public parks, toilets, cars, etc.

Having sex in public is technically illegal, but that isn’t going to stop people. So, it’s important that if you do have sex in public you are discreet, keep out of public sight, respect other people who may be in the area, and of course don’t leave a mess (like condom wrappers).

You could also go to a sauna or cruising club and take your partner off to a private room, you don’t have to invite anyone else to join.

We have some tips in our guide on using the apps that will help make hooking up from apps safer, but if you’ve met someone offline and you want to hook up with them, it’s also important that you do this safely. If you can, tell someone where you are going, keep your phone charged so you can call for help if needed, and ensure you are sober. If you meet at a bar and you aren’t sober enough, think of whether you are in the state of mind to be able to keep yourself safe. If you’re not, take their number and organise to meet them once you’ve sobered up.

Some of these situations can make using HIV and STI prevention harder – for example, you go to town with your friends and have been drinking, you weren’t expecting to find someone hot, but you have, and you aren’t prepared (don’t have condoms or haven’t taken your PrEP recently). It’s important that no matter what, you ensure you are having safe sex. You can get free condoms from most gar bars and parties (we know, because we put them there on the bars). If you’re not near one, pick up some condoms and lube on the way back to his from any service station (most are open 24/7).

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