How to use apps like Grindr
In the first part of this 101 we talked about hook-up apps like Grindr as a common way to meet gay and bi guys for sex.
The world of app-based hook-ups can be fun and exciting once you get a hang of it but there are steps you can take to stay safe and have a good time while doing it.
Apps are also a good place to start if you’re ‘DL’ or haven’t come out yet. You can have a more anonymous profile and choose who you reveal your identity to.
Glossary of terms
DL: A term for ‘down-low’ guys who might be in the closet. Also called ‘discreet’.
Anon: This is short for anonymous and may mean that a guy won’t reveal any photos online until you meet in person.
The most commonly used ‘hook-up’ app is probably Grindr but there are a few options to choose from and you can be on multiple.
Popular hook-up apps:
Grindr: The most popular app, you’ll see this referenced most often. Location based app.
Scruff: Similar to Grindr with some different features like creating events and finding travel buddies.
Sniffies: ‘Map-based’ and more anonymous than the others. No account registration is needed.
Getting started:
The first place you want to start is by making a profile. It’s common for guys to use pics of their torso or body as their display pictures, but if you’re more comfortable then you can use your face too.
Remember that anyone can download Grindr, or other hook-up apps, and look at the grid. If you’re DL, then it’s a better idea to send those photos later once you know who you’re talking to.
The grid: The grid of online or recently online men that you can see in your area.
There can be lots of new terms you encounter on Grindr or other hook-up apps.
Looking for: This lets guys know what you want to get out of the app when they look at your profile, options include: Chats, Dates, Friends, Networking, Relationship, Hookups.
Tribes: These are different ‘categories’ that guys can fit into. You don’t need to define yourself by these, but you’ll probably get familiar with what they mean as you keep using the app.
If you’re using Grindr, they also have tags that give a little more information about what people are looking for.
For example:
Anon: Short for "anonymous." This usually indicates a preference not to know a lot of personal details before connecting.
BB: An acronym for “bareback,” or penetrative sex without a condom (these are usually people who are taking regular PrEP)
Poz: Is a person living with HIV
How do I find the right guy?
Depending on your area there might be too many guys to choose from or not enough.
Grindr has a filtering option that can help find someone who’s just your type.
Browse through profiles and message some guys that you think are hot and have profiles that look appealing.
Tips for your first message: Keep it a little more interesting than just saying ‘hey’. Compliment them on something you like on their profile or tell them what you’re looking for.
Staying safe when hooking-up online
Meeting random guys for sex can seem scary for the first few times, but we assure you it is very common. But that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be vigilant. There are plenty of guys who use real photos and tell you the whole truth about themselves, but there are also guys who use photos of other people (a catfish), photos of themselves when they were younger, or lie about who they are entirely.
Before you meet someone
Not everyone is who they say they are online, or they might not want to share pics before you meet.
Here are some easy steps you can take before you meet up with guys online:
- Ask them to chat on a video call.
- Ask for social media / Snapchat to verify they’re ‘real’.
- Meet in a public setting.
- Tell someone you trust where you’re going or share your live location.
- Stay sober.
- Have a charged phone.
Hooking up with people from the internet can be super hot and fun, but we have heard stories of it going wrong.
Taking some of the steps above can help you stay safe, physically and mentally.
Trust your gut, it’s often right. If the guy feels off, or you feel you aren’t getting the information you need, then it’s best not to meet him. There are plenty more fish in the sea, as they say.
Nudes
Nude pics are a big part of online hook-up apps.
Guys might ask you to see ‘more pics’ or to see ‘your album’ to know what they’re going to get before meeting up.
You don’t have to send nudes if you don’t feel comfortable doing so, or you can choose to send them on Snapchat or another app so you know they can’t screenshot them.
You can’t screenshot Grindr albums but other users have access to them until you remove them. If you’re worried about that, try Snapchat or a disappearing photo on Grindr.
Make sure you ask for consent before sending someone an ass or dick picture if they haven’t asked for it. Not everyone wants to see it. A handy tip is if their profile says, “Yes please” to the question “Accepts NSFW pics”.
Apps & mental health - okay to take a break
Hook-up apps can sometimes be overwhelming and take up a lot of your day-to-day life, like any other social media app.
If you’re feeling stuck in a loop of being on the apps too much or not enjoying your random encounters like you once were, it’s okay to take a break.
Taking some time off can give you time to focus on other relationships or activities in your life and you can always come back to the apps later.