GIVEAWAY (ENDS FRIDAY 13 DECEMBER)

We're giving away 1 of 2 sets of butt plugs thanks to Naked Kiwi! To enter the draw, either send us a DM @burnettaotearoa on Instagram or comment on the post and let us know:

Where is the wildest place/time you've used (or want to use) a butt plug?

Mondays aren’t usually the highlight of my week, although I don’t think that can be said for anyone. After dragging myself out of bed and into the shower, I thought I’d liven things up – by making today the day I’d wear a buttplug to work. I was recently gifted a set of three, so I thought “not only will I plug my hole, but why not jump up in size at different points throughout the day?”

And so the following is the diary of the day I wore a buttplug.

At 8am, after jumping out of the shower, shaving and doing my skin care routine, I squeeze a bit of silicone lube onto my hand, the buttplug and in my ass, slide it in and we’re away!

I’ve only ever used sex toys when horny, either with a partner or by myself. So putting something up there at 8am on a Monday is a pretty foreign feeling, and it takes a bit of getting used to. I mean I love something in my ass as much as the next bottom, but 8am on a Monday? That’s new.

I finish getting ready and have the Breakfast of Bottoming Champions, Pre Exposure Prophylaxis (PrEP - the daily pill that prevents HIV) and some high-fibre toast (I always take my PrEP with food so I don't get nausea). Later on I take some fibre pills - it's important to take these separately to PrEP, because they can block drug absorption which means it can be less effective.

8:30am: 
I’m out on Queen Street. It’s exciting and somewhat subversive knowing there’s a buttplug in me right now, and no one else has any idea.

I have about a 15 minute walk to work, and the feeling of a buttplug up there is still pretty weird. Anyone who has ever used a dildo knows the feeling of it slipping out when it isn’t meant to, and walking for a decent distance exacerbates my fear that it will slide down into the leg of my jeans. Luckily it’s designed to stay in, and it works.

9am: 
I’m straight into the week, meeting some external suppliers (but why I scheduled that meeting for 9am on a Monday is beyond me). But it feels great and I start to forget that I even have it inside of me - although sometimes with the odd shuffle in my seat I’m reminded. It feels good!

11am:
I’ve been plugged up for three hours now. When sitting down I’m now used to the feeling of something inside me, so I feel like it might be time to increase the size.

11:05:
I sneak past my colleagues with a cosmetics bag tucked discreetly under my arm. Nature is calling and surprisingly this is not an issue! Yes, it’s easier to poop after wearing a small buttplug for three hours, and clean - thank you fibre pills! After that I put a bit more lube in my butt, swap it for the mid-sized one and away we go!

This definitely is more prominent while I’m sitting down and is getting closer to hitting a sweet spot. It also doesn’t feel like it’s going to fall out as much, which is a good thing because that small one was getting annoying.

Anyway, back at my desk and no one in the office has any idea what’s going on in my nether-regions. I’ve only told one friend, who is now texting me a lot of questions and “OMG”s.

11:30:
Holy Jesus, Mother and Mary. I stood up to get some water and I think my facial expression visibly changed. That hit a spot. Note to self: stand up slower.

11:32:
Prepare yourself if you’re going to sit down with force. Loves an extra inch.

11:45:
I have the Thomas The Tank Engine theme song stuck in my head. Not related to the buttplugs but I thought it was relevant nonetheless. How it got there? Who knows.

I also feel generally in a really good mood – am unsure if the two are related but it’s nice to feel happy and upbeat on a Monday. Maybe I’ve unlocked the secret to happiness???

12:00:
This one is definitely making me feel good. The first one was just slightly uncomfortable but this is hitting some spots. Big fan. Have an elevated level of horniness but hasn’t resulted in a boner ... yet. I’m kinda nervous for the next size up, because it’s about double the size.

13:00:
I went and sat down at lunch on hard chairs, girl she’s as far up as possible! My poor butt muscles are hard at work and are starting to hurt. Kia kaha my little butthole.

14:00:
Okay, it was starting to hurt a little bit more so I jumped back into the bathroom to take her out and give my ass a rest. I put some more lube in my butt and on the plug and put it back in. Feels much better now – lesson of the day so far is use lube! I will probably opt for the large one around 4pm so I can do an hour of it in the office.

14:30:
I have Bills, Bills, Bills by Destiny’s Child stuck in my head. Again, irrelevant, but I actually think that having something up my butt is making me happier and more tolerable. This is a very interesting experiment.

14:35:
I got up to go to the supermarket and my butt is tingling. It’s the same feeling as when I imagine Nick Jonas’ hands around my throat. Delicious.

14:37:
After walking for two minutes I can confidently say the bigger, the more weird whilst walking. But hey, that’s what I’ve signed up for.

15:30:
The feeling of something being up my ass has kind of disappeared so I think it’s time to up the ante. God save my asshole.

15:45:
Jesus Christ. This third and final buttplug is bigger than some of the real dicks I’ve had inside of me, and wow: it’s consistently hitting the spot. I feel incredibly on edge, quite horny and somewhat uncomfortable that this is all happening while I’m at work. I do not know how long I will last with this inside me, but I’m willing to give it a good shot. I’m determined to at least get home before I take it out and breathe.

16:00:
Code red! I think it’s too large and is starting to slip out whenever I stand up. I‘m wearing pretty tight pants and now I’m scared that it’ll become visible. The problem is that the part between the plug and the base isn’t long enough. The base is so big that it’s preventing my butt from clenching around the small area to stop it slipping out. I’m too scared to walk to the bathroom to attempt to fix this.

16:05:
Alright, I’ve fixed it, but the butt muscles are now working overtime. And the buttplug is firmly against my prostate. God help me. I feel like I’m in one of those Men.com videos about the remote controlled buttplug and am feeling very helpless as to the constant stimulation I’m getting from this. I have now (quietly) audibly moaned twice. Someone save me.

16:10:
I cannot concentrate on a single thing and keep thinking about wanting someone to fuck me after this. This entire day has led to me being insufferably horny. I don’t recommend doing this while single.

16:20:
This is insufferable. I can imagine this being the hottest feeling if you were about to go home to someone and have sex, but right now this is putting my sexual frustration on a whole ‘nother level. Remind me to do this again when I have a boyfriend. This would be 100x hotter.

16:30:
I couldn’t take it anymore, that was like a constant 6” inside of me rubbing on my prostate, and on top of that it kept slipping out so the base was visible for my tight pants. Annoyingly the base of the buttplug was just too big for my booty. Low marks for design. It was a relief taking it out, and I was able to walk home in peace and without fear that everyone would see a buttplug in my pants.

After having a buttplug in for 8 and a half hours I felt I had done my service to the gay community. Honestly, I think I have a new kink. That final buttplug was driving me wild and the idea of having someone to come home to afterwards to fuck me was incredibly hot. Unfortunately that wasn’t the case, however I have Grindr installed and a whole lot of Ending HIV condom packs, so who knows what could happen.

I wish I had some prophetic learning from today, but alas I don’t. Wearing a buttplug in a reasonably corporate workplace is subversive, and sooo enjoyable when no one knows (I have since told someone at work and they had NO idea.) This experiment just led to me being sexually frustrated, and for that I am not thankful. However the thought of doing this for someone, or having someone waiting for me at home is incredibly hot, and you can expect me to use these again for that exact purpose.