Before my brother's partner passed away my family support was the one thing he asked for in his last days of life in the UK. He said, “Take me back to your mum and your family; I want to be with them.” He died to AIDS on 20 January 1994, his NZ service was one I will never forget. It was a cold and uninviting Tangi; there was a sense of shame on the shoulders of his mother and others there. I couldn’t stop crying for my brother’s partner. 

I read out the words my brother had asked me to relay in his absence as he was still in the UK. One thing he asked me to do was to look straight at his partner's mother and read the letter out proudly. I looked right in her eyes and she sharply turned her head. I stood up and spoke up about the love my brother had for her son, I shared how much our family love their brother, uncle, nephew, friend, and son. I thank him on behalf of all my family for making my brother one of the happiest men on earth. I was a bit sad that his family didn’t show or tell how much they loved him, but deep down inside I know they really did love their brother and son and maybe didn’t know how to express their love for him like us.

When the service finished a whole lot of people came and cuddled me and thanked me so much for my talk. They said it was so lovely to know how much our family loved their dear friend and family member.  

Families are forever

My brother was surrounded by all my family when we first found out he was HIV positive in 1986. Our family called a fat as meeting at my mum's house with all my cousin's aunties, there were about 30 family members there. We invited a member from the NZAF to come and talk to our family about this new infection called HIV. My mum took it the hardest, my brother was her king. First son born, and how she found out wasn’t the best but it happened and was forgotten fast (but that’s another story).

My brother was very handsome, cool calm and collected; he was loved by all the girls and boys. He was a top sportsman in rugby, touch football, sprints - you name it, he was the man. After his Tangi in Australia, we had another one here in Wellington for all his friends and family that missed out on his farewell, at their request. My brother was very sad when his partner died and missed him dearly. He didn’t have another partner; he lived his life for our family because he knew his time was coming close.

He was diagnosed when he was 22 and died at the age of 32 in Gold Coast Hospital Australia on 2 October 1996. My mum always said that when she dies it will be the happiest day of her life. We asked “why mum?” She goes, “because I will get to see my son again.” My mum’s  happy now she is with him; she passed on Sunday 9th Feb 2014. I miss them both so much! But I am so blessed to have had the best mum and the best big handsome brother in the world.